take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
