In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
