pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
