I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
