my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
