ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
