You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
