i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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