So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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