two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
