Small penises have feelings too.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
