I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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