she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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