I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
