I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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