Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
