come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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