The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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