I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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