U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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