i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
