do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
