Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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