Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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