if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize