I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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