no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
