Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
