Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
