She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
