Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
