THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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