I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
