I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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