my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
