just come out here and I will go home with you...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
