I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
