Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
