College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
