We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
