meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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