so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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