I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
