dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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