Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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