Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
