drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
