Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
