ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In America we eat man semen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
