Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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