Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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