DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
