yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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