guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
