I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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