you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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