i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
