Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
