shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
