I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
