Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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