Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
