The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
