i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
