So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
