watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
