At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
