You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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