so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
