Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
