Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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