apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
