I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
