i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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