he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so much tequila, so little girl.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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