please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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