when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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