There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
