I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
