Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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