Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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