i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
